To the bone.

This year of work has been really challenging.

I love teaching. I love education. I love it when something really connects with a child and you see understanding roll over them like a tidal wave.

I do not love teaching outside of a curriculum that I am comfortable with. I do not love teaching five different preps a day. I do not love staying up until midnight reteaching myself concepts I haven’t encountered since I myself was in high school about seven years ago.

We started our typical high stakes testing last Wednesday, but today was the “real” beginning; that is, today, 1st/2nd/3rd period English classes began to test. My classroom is very close to two separate testing sites. I did a full set of lesson plans this week, complete with activities, assessments, and modifications. By 2nd period, it became quickly apparent to me that it would be very much NOT business as usual. Some class periods have been extended to ensure that students will have adequate time for testing. That said–students today had to go back to their testing sites in the afternoon because they did not finish.

I digress. I tried teaching class regularly today, but was told my class was too loud. Multiple times. I ended up feeling so upset and, frankly, kind of embarrassed, that I let myself slip into a kind of anxiety in which I let my kids play on their phones and read while I hovered around asking them to please, please, please be a little more quiet. It was not a good day.

I don’t really know what I’m going to do for the rest of the week. I need to find some quiet activities, I guess, because it doesn’t look like I’m going to get much actual teaching accomplished.